We need to talk about Instagram stories.
"History of my life"? Do not tell your whole life, or at least do it so tastefully.
In recent years, Instagram stories have weakened Snapchat and turned out to be the first place to see blurry cam concert material and puppy dogs. Selfies But with great power comes the misuse of a platform.
We all succumb to the desire to constantly pick the juiciest parts of our lives and share them with anyone who wants to get involved. Sometimes these juicy parts do not taste, sound or look very good to those of us who consume them.
It's time for a crash course in Instaquette (Instagram etiquette, duh).
2th The & # 39; New Post & # 39; Story
Do not post your review in your post in your post in your post …
If you post something, we'll see it in time.
Just as Bebe Rexha said in her hit song with this country singer, "If that's what it's supposed to be, that's it." If we want to see your contribution, we will do that. You must not put it in our throats by posting it in your story with a GIF or doodles about what exactly is what we've just been interested in. This is called overkill, friends.
I would not mind scrolling through and giving you something similar, organic. But now that I know you want me to see something, I actively avoid viewing the Birdbox style.
. 11 The Work Out Photos Story
We understand, you want to make your iPhone sweaty.
It's 2019. We're all for positive posture and healthy goals for your goals. Pursuit! A nice, strong gym post is cool. But bombarding us with dimly lit, semi-confident images of you is a bad shape. Leave it to Kim Kardashian. Do your squats and your chin-ups and then with pictures in those jeans that begin to fit like a second skin. Double negative if you force your partner to take part in your sweaty social achievements. They just want to hit their PR without feeling pressured to look at their 539 followers.
10th The story without approval
Let your friends do their thing without making a production out of it.
If your friend wants to be filmed, we guarantee that he will do something to ensure a recording. It's just not cool to constantly film every movement of your friends. Soon they will feel like they can not do anything around them without feeling Britney around 2006.
There is nothing better than watching someone publicly slam under the lens of their friend's iPhone.
. 9 The Pointless Poll Story
You see me change my mind, they hate you.
If you want to include a poll in your story, there is a right and wrong time for a poll. Please stick to the survey etiquette.
For the love of all that's good, place your survey in the middle of the screen so we do not accidentally vote when we try to get to the next slide. Or vice versa, if we aggressively try to vote on your poll and you have placed it so far to the left that we end up clicking backwards. We do not have to see your story twice.
Finally, surveys that read "yes" or "yes, but red" must die. It was never funny.
. 8 The Terrible History of Music
When you play a song through your speakers, you're dead to us.
Instagram has worked hard and you have not shown any gratitude. We'll take a look at Kylie Jenner. That's right, it's about playing songs through your phone's speakers rather than using the app's music feature. We would have heard AM radio if we wanted our music to come in and out. So we do not want it to come from your iPhone.
. 7 The Facetune's Child Story
We do not want your baby to look smoother than a glazed donut, Rebecca.
Once we said it, we said it a thousand times. DO NOT FACETINE YOUR CHILDREN. Babies are naturally cute. It is not necessary to transform or transform their bodies to keep them ridiculous beauty / cuteness standards before they even know what ridiculous beauty standards are. We really thought this should be an obvious thing, but as usual, the Internet has found a way to disappoint us.
. 6 Listen to the-but 👏 the medium
Listen, sometimes you just have to turn off TF – be it a social injustice issue or if you personally feel the devilish mothers you are attacking have dominated the Bath and Body Works Candle Day Sale ™.
The time limit of story clips is not necessarily suitable for a 30-minute passionate critique of the Ciseteropatriarchy. And we guarantee that people would like to hear it – if they were not cut off every 15 seconds. The next time a particular issue ignites a fire in you, you can activate it on YouTube instead.
. 5 The BFF Birthday Story
It's my party and I will post 9,000,000 clips if I want to.
I think my most unpopular Instagram post is the post "My Best Friend's Birthday"
– Brian Koerber (@bkurbs) January 8, 2019
🎵 Happy Birthday [yourfriendthatidon’tknow] Everything Happy Birthday! Birthday It is literally Birthday Law that you have to spend the day lightening your beast on your birthday – but are we really interested in ? Yes, we are sure your friend's #bdayLook is a bomb. Yes, this party looks like it's jumping. Yes, the cake looks delicious. But are we there No. BFF birthday stories are the epitome of Joy Of Missing Out (JOMO) – people you do not know to be fun to see are boring and not glamorous.
. 4 The Boomerang Clipshow Story
For days nothing but boomerangs. [Pro-Kopf] in sections 25min / 25f2019% 25ff2019.jpg% 25ff2019.jpg% 25ff2019% 252f00001.jpg% 252f9019% 252fh00001.jpg% 252f9019% 252f00001.jpg% 252f9019% 252f00001.jpg% 252f9019% 252f00001.jpg? Your personal GIF device was a fun and imaginative way to liven up your feed. Now that the novelty has subsided, we ask you to stop. There are so many more features available in Stories now: face filters, zooming with music, uhh … other things! We do not need a whip-slap video chugging your third cocktail of the night.
. 3 The tons of garbled text history [aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaufaaaaaaaaaaaaaufalexi_aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaoultoumgueounddemaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaeqeundy2f0bea50274ad3ecc%252f00001jpg%252foriginaljpg?Awsmashable"src="https://mondrianmashablecom/cms%252F2019%252F1%252F0bea5027-43ad-3ecc%252Fthumb%252F00001jpg%252Foriginaljpg?signature=KHy0AfE31YcvRKUXBSRXIAZ2DAE=&source=https%3A%2F%2Fvdistawsmashablecom"data-fragment="m!F17f"data-image="https://mondrianmashablecom/cms%252F2019%252F1%252F0bea5027-43ad-3ecc%252Fthumb%252F00001jpg%252Foriginaljpg?Signature=KHy0AfE31YcvRKUXBSRXIAZ2DAE=&source=https%3A%2F%2Fvdistawsmashablecom"data-micro="1"/>
You do not need one Complete Color Theory to add aesthetically pleasing text to your story, but at least try to make it legible – there's nothing worse than less than 15 seconds before the story changes to try to read the italic 0.2-size neon green font on a light yellow border. If you fill the screen with text, the actual photo itself will also be omitted if you have taken one. This is not a comic book, so do not fill your stories with speech bubbles.
. 2 The Filming Your Drive Story
Yes, a video of the road you drive down is exactly the content I was looking for.
Everyone knows you should not do text or driving, or at least we think. That includes Instagram, guys. Not only is it dangerous and it can do physical or physical harm to you or others, we can also guarantee that no one cares about you filming yourself or blasting the bass through your crappy car speakers.
Nobody asked for this content, we ask that it stop.
. 1 The Concert Story
If we wanted to see this concert, we would have bought a ticket.
We are so glad you went to this concert. We are really live your joy. However, it was never part of our plan to watch recorded concert performance on a 5-inch glass screen with sound quality recorded on a Nintendo DS.
Unless you are literally behind the artist behind the artist, please do not pick up one-by-one excerpts of your concert. Their seats are not even that good that we can not distinguish the artist from the backup dancers. This also applies to storytelling in a noisy club. Unless Jaden Smith holds a sparkler in his hand while simultaneously pouring you a shot of Gray Goose. We will not have the FOMO that you are so desperate to induce when our ears are bleeding. If you have to post, kill the sound.
The truth is that any instagram story can easily be ripped off right away. You can scroll through clips faster than your finger (literally) lets glass slide. None of these annoying stories will kill us, though we can say they will – after all, we live for the drama.
But like most people we are really interested in the lives of our friends. Maybe not enough to endure their Insta habits. Since I'm sure legions of people in history would agree, some stories are just to be told.