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The Apple Event brought to you from a better world than this

The air quality index around the Apple headquarters in Cupertino, California, was in the range of 120 on Tuesday morning – according to my Apple Watch, just “unhealthy”. This seemed like a real breath of fresh air after more than a week of steadily deteriorating breathability from devastating smoke in the Bay Area, often rising in the 300 and 400 range.

The Apple Gods gave their student, CEO Tim Cook, good timing. Had his event taken place six days earlier, the sky over Cupertino would have glowed a Blade Runner orange.

But would that have been important? In the world of the 2020 Apple Event, which was filmed at an indefinite point in the utopian past, everything was blue skies instead of white smog. All is well, In short, the reassuring voices of the hour-long product update. We are on the way to carbon neutrality. We are helping to alleviate the pandemic. Inconvenience is not our fault!

There was no mention of forest fires on the entire west coast. Twice we saw Apple Watch users in the middle of redwoods that were somehow not on fire. Only once did the mask slip when it zoomed in from Apple headquarters to a woman in training gear climbing a tower ̵

1; ironically, the Sierra Buttes fire guard. The yellowed hills around them were surrounded by wreaths that residents call a devastating haze, but which to an outsider might look like morning mist.

Even here, the reality was much worse: Sierra Buttes was in the 200 range on Tuesday morning. At that number, the woman shouldn’t have gone near those punishment stairs. Above, she checks her blood oxygen on her Apple Watch; The screen shows 95 percent, which probably doesn’t indicate how many particles are filling your lungs.

The Sierra Buttes Fire Lookout, as Apple showed, in less dreary days.

The Sierra Buttes Fire Lookout, as Apple showed, in less dreary days.

Image: Apple EVENT screenshot

Give Tim Cook credit: at least he name-checked the pandemic. At the previous dystopian Apple event, the June WWDC keynote, the virus and its associated lockdowns were mysterious background events that resulted in users sending 40 percent more iMessages. Now Apple has learned how to make lemonade.

“As we continue to work our way through these troubled times and face the challenges COVID-19 is causing in our communities around the world,” Cook began, grinning about 40 percent larger than warranted so inspiring to see how people have adapted everywhere! “This was followed by a montage of different families enjoying the lockdown life.

This blood oxygen reading on the Apple Watch Series 6? It is used in landmark health studies to detect coronavirus infections before the patient even knows they are sick. Just like it can detect heart attacks before they happen. Get the new Apple Watch, the voices hinted, it can literally save your life from the ravages of a global pandemic that is now in the middle of its second wave.

Everyone hails Apple World

Here’s the thing: I’m not even cynical. I want to live in Apple World. In 2020 who Not do you want to live in Apple World? You enter over a rainbow bridge that dissolves into hearts. Apple World is a place of maximum security and creativity. Apple World is a place where chipsets are interesting to the average viewer. In Apple World, your children and grandparents can easily be tracked using their cell phone watches and thanks to Family Setup – your personal Big Brother – they no longer even need an iPhone.

In Apple World, it doesn’t matter that we have to wear masks as the on / off buttons (at least those on the new iPad Air) are now TouchID and cleverly bypass the need for FaceID. If we’re lucky, Apple World will offer the same functionality when the iPhone 12 is dropped later this year.

Antitrust isn’t a thing at Apple World, there weren’t any pesky technical hearings in Congress, and you’re welcome to bundle Apple Music with a number of other Apple services for a monthly subscription, regardless of what Spotify or the EU say.

Apple World gives you workout routines that you can watch on your iPhone in the gym. In Apple World, people can still go to the gym.

Apple World is committed to fighting climate change. It’s really! Look, here is Lisa Jackson, former EPA administrator, to announce the company’s commitment to be 100 percent carbon neutral by 2030, which is really great. At Apple World, there is no need to yell at Lisa Jackson for being great, but what about all the other billion dollar companies that are spewing carbon dioxide into our atmosphere like there’s no tomorrow? What about the hurricanes and the terribly high temperatures around the world and the increase in thunderstorms that cause forest fires? right there behind you?

My wife and I were fully immersed in Apple World on Tuesday morning, huddling by the air purifier, debating whether we could afford an Apple Watch Series 6 – or rather, given the fitness it would boost, whether we could afford it might not do this. Then I turned to my other Apple devices, checked the Air Quality Index again, and tried to find a small patch of smoke-free blue sky somewhere in the Bay Area that I could actually walk on.

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