I have a confession: I do not watch.
Unbelievable, right? Archipelagos have thousands of miles of lost tribes spending their time discussing who is hotter, Jon Snow or Jaime Lannister. The cultural dominance of HBO's Sword and Saucy Fantasy series is so great that I feel like the only person in the world who does not see it.
I'm not a total shake-in – I saw the first season back in 2011. But I could not keep up when the show conquered the world. I won a record of 47 Primetime Emmy Awards and became HBO's biggest show when 30 million people got tuned in and went online for each episode.
That was almost exactly when I lost interest in waiting for a week for new episodes of a show. With the sole exception of Doctor Who, I have not watched a weekly television program for ten years. I was tired of talking to friends over TV. It may be the golden age of television, but instead of insightful conversations about the nuances of narration in long forms, it now seemed to be on every conversation that everyone compared what piece of Breaking Bad they intended.
But the main reason why I gave up Game of Thrones so quickly? During the first season, the characters had barely audible conversations about a guy named Stannis Baratheon, who seemed super important. Which of the many bearded men is Stannis, I thought. Is he the type of The Wire? Is he the type of British vocal duo Robson and Jerome of the 90s?
It was not until the end of the season that I realized that Stannis was not one of them. He was not in it .
Piss off, TV show!
Win or die
Winter is not coming. The winter is here .
The eighth and final season– that's 28 days from now. There are 67 episodes so far, which means that I have to watch 2.3 episodes a day by the beginning of season 8 to catch up.
That's possible. I think.
The question is, what would it do to a person who observed muddy, bloody killing and copulating every month for two and a half hours?
There are currently a number of commercials in Amazon TV commercials including Amazon Prime Video and shows such as Vikings and Lucifer that are changing the lives of various viewers. A dull-eyed dad gets caught in spy thriller Jack Ryan and reacts by dusting off his abandoned rowing machine and finally doing this work around the house, but with a dead eye intensity that clearly frightens his kids. Meanwhile, a brutal office worker observes Vikings and asserts himself at work by knocking open tables and wordlessly yelling at their colleagues.
If this is the case, if you show these [God knows] Godwhat Mainlineing Game of Thrones would do to me. What kind of wild, fur-studded animal would I become?
Besides, the only thing cooler than being something is very vocal (19459015), not being (19459016) something. "Game of Thrones?" I can speak out loud at parties. "Do not look at it, buddy." Ian McShane knew that – the righteous actor described Game of Thrones as "just tits and dragons", and it was in .
Maybe I could make a "It's just a Krull Rip" -but "just to really raise people."
But I'm trying to become one of you, I finally got all these conversations at work "These two characters are obviously secret siblings," I confidently explained at the coffee machine, "I know who is Stannis Baratheon, thank you!" I could shout through the mailbox to passers-by .
I'll do it, I'll go into Game of Thrones.
There are a million episodes I can watch, but I'm going on paternity leave now, which means I have a lot of free time, right? I'm pretty sure I know everything that happened on the show anyway, thanks to the ubiquitous headlines that have been shouting spoils in the social media and news sites over the past eight years.
I am all in it. Seventy hours of bloody murder and dynastic slaughter in less than a month – let's do it!
Finally, I can join in with the people chatting in my office instead of cranking the headphones like some kind of dirty pariah. Every Monday I can talk for two hours on a TV show instead of working, and it will be fine because the boss is most impressed by everyone.
After all, I understand what everyone was so excited about and I can share that excitement – if only for a month.
I will understand the memes. I can spend my lunch break reading detailed reviews of the episode I saw hours ago. I use clan banners as analogies in Facebook arguments with vague racist cousins. I could even start a Fan Theory YouTube channel.
I will be late the ruler of the Zeitgeist.
I will win the game of Thrones once and for all.
also books ? Oh, come on!